greggandcyndi

freedom

there is a symbol at the center of the idea of our freedom as citizens of the U.S., it is the statue of liberty. it was given to the United States by France in 1885. one of the unique things about the statue is she is holding a tablet containing the text "JULY IV MDCCLXXVI" (July 4, 1776), it commemorates the date of the United States Declaration of Independence, the date the U.S. declared its freedom. in the declaration, we were communicating, once and for all, our freedom and our independence from the Kingdom of Great Brittan.

could you imagine the U.S. calling up the brits and asking them to take us back? that would be wierd. what would be the point? if we did, would we have to give back the statue? nevermind whether the French would actually want it back. if we called up the brits and told them we wanted to be ruled again, utterly dominated, mostly because we all want their accents, i am positive we would have to give back the statue, because the statue is the symbol of the freedom we have and the freedom we as a country give. we would have to give it back.

so what about the cross? do we have to give it back?

there is no doubt as U.S. citizens we take for granted and take advantage of the freedom we have. it is interesting to learn that many europeans now despise us as america because we seem so conservative, but the radical muslim world hates us because we are so liberal and immoral. either way, we treat the freedom we have as citizens of america as less than we should. in the same way, we neglect the freedom we have as citizens of the Kingdom of God.

more than 2 and 1/4 centuries ago we gained our independence from the Kingdom of Great Brittan. how long has it been since you gained your independence from the Kingdom of this World, and became a citizen of the Kingdom of God. and do you take your freedom seriously.

so many times i have gone back. i have forgotten my freedom, or worse, used my freedom to revolt. check this out:

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery-Galatians 5:1

if the Kingdom of God were the same as the kingdom of this world, all of us would have been hung for treason by this day in our lives, and we would have had to give the cross back; but this is one thing that can never be taken from us.

glenn packiam told a story about immigrants in the early years of our country. he talked about how people would come to this country and when the officials would ask them their native language, they would reach back and get a piece of scripture in their same tongue and hand it to them saying, "no one can ever take this away from you."

the cross is something no one can ever take away from you, not even you. the cross is a gift given permanently by the only true giver. let us, with every breath we have, cling to the cross and never, in our hearts or actions, try to give it back.

completely and totally unbelievable

it is completely and irrevocably inconcievable that pastor ted haggard had a homosexual affair and used methanphedamines, but today an email was released saying that pastor ted had admitted to some wrongdoing, but was not specific about what wrong was admitted to. 

i literally feel like i'm going to wake up any minute.  i woke up this morning and had to ask myself if i had been dreaming all the accusations.  it is just so unbelievable.

i am charging all those who read this to pray for pastor ted haggard, his wife and his 5 children (4 boys and 1 girl). 

i have never met and gotten to learn from, on a consistant basis, someone i respected more as a christian leader, teacher and pastor than ted haggard.  we know that what is revealed about his involvement in the coming days, will effect his influence and leadership in the kingdom of God.  we are praying, that even though a sin is a sin, that he was only involved in a minor and explainable way, so that he will be able to maintain a level of leadership and authority in the church.  this is a man far too wise to lose and to disappear completely from the church.

pray.  pray in the name of Jesus.  pray in the Spirit without ceasing.  mourn with those who mourn.  rejoice with those rejoicing.  pray.

and everything is burning

you gotta check out kate's most recent post...it's a good one.  it's making me think of my own stories.  i've actually been thinking about them a lot lately.  the things i did when i was a kid, and that includes the kid i was up until a few years ago.  who am i kidding...in a lot of ways i'm still a kid.  but it also has me thinking of stories from the last couple of years...

kate said she is going to start a series of stories of people she meets in madison...i thought i would share a few.

cyndi and i went to seattle for our honeymoon and we made a concious decision to talk and spend time with the homeless we would encounter there.  i remember meeting this guy on a street corner, he was clean shaven and probably late 30's or early 40's.

he started talking to me on the corner and wasn't one to just ask for money.  he wanted me to know that he wanted to work, that he had been in Seattle for a few years, slept under an overpass, and tried to shave and wash as often as possible.  i told him we were on our way somewhere but he would walk with us, so he did and we chatted...after a few more minutes, i asked if he like cheesecake.  he said, "it's my favorite!"  i told him that we were on our way to the cheesecake factory to get a piece and asked if he would like a piece.  of course he said of course.

this is where the story had an impact for me.  as the three of us walked through the doors of the cheesecake factory, this guy is just looking around, all around, and up at the high ceiling...i asked him, and he told me, that he had never been in there before.  we took our cheesecake out on the patio, sat down and ate our cake together and parted ways.

what impacted me was that he had been in Seattle for three years and he said cheesecake was his favorite, yet he had never been in the cheesecake factory. 

i think about this story and at least 3 or 4 others from our trip to Seattle and other times like these here in the quad cities...and i think about how long it's been since i've had a new story like this.  and not to just have a story, but to know that God used me to show someone what He is really like.  i wish i could say this is an every day occurance for me, but it isn't.  it has become less and less.  where has/had this compasssion gone.  but i think it is still there somewhere...

because, the other day i met a guy named mike at st. guiseppe's pizza.  he noticed i had a guitar in my car and asked if played...i was there to study, so my first inclination was to answer his questions in as few words as possible, but he kept asking questions, so i felt like i needed to ask him questions...eventually i brought my guitar inside the store and played a few songs for him and he returned the favor.

mike is probably in his late 40's and has struggled with mental illness and drugs most of his life.  one of the songs he sang was one he wrote about the "progress place" that is now called the "drop-in" and it was so good.  it wasn't something i could ever write or even pull off covering.  his voice was a mix of johnny cash and i can't put my finger on it.  his songs were so much like johnny, but he didn't seem to know that when i mentioned it. 

a couple of months ago, a very good friend of mine gave me a guitar he felt prompted to give me by God, and that was the guitar i had at st. guiseppe's that day, and i felt like mike was supposed to have it, so i gave it to him.  mike came to church last week.  it happened to be the week i was preaching and today i'm going to lunch with him.

i like the way kate put it in her post, about the kingdom coming down, the fire of heaven, and everything is burning.  i take that to mean that you either look around and see nothing, a fallen world, or everything burning in the redempitive work of heaven's fire.  i want fire reflecting in my eyes.

Forgetful Fish, and me the Fireworks Show

Forgetful fish helped me understand how I can be fireworks to God.  Last night I was at Borders with friends when Kate began talking about Todd, one of her pseudo-pets.  I say "pseudo" because Todd is a fish, and I say "one of" because there is also a tiny lizard in Kate's life called Clyde.  Compared to say a dog, cat, or parrot, Todd and Clyde show no emotion and are sort of impossible to interact with.  But luckily Kate has a boundless imagination, often spending more time in unrealistic realms than realistic ones, and therefore believes herself to have deep and meaningful relationships with her pets/non-pets, whatever.

What actually began the conversation was Kate's Snapple lid.  Snapple lids have interesting little-known facts inside them, making Snapple kind of more trendy and marketable, and Kate's lid informed us that goldfish have only a three second memory span.  Having been reminded of this Kate shared with us that because of Todd's lack of long-term memory she feared him to be bored.  Well all assured her,  loudly I might add (and probably to the annoyance of fellow Borders Cafe patrons) that it was absolutely ridiculous to think that Todd could possibly be bored.  I went on to back myself up by saying that to Todd everything is a first time, eye opening, delightfully surprising experience.  If Todd were to come to Borders Cafe, I imagine it might go something like this:

*one-one-thousand*..."Hey cool!"

*two-one-thousand*..."Look at that roundy red thing she keeps gulping on."

*three-one-thousand*..."Hm...that's pretty neat..."

*one-one-thousand*..."Holy crap -look at that!"

*two-one-thousand*..."I've never seen anything like it."

*three-one-thousand*..."I wonder why she's drinking out of it..."

*one-one-thousand*..."Whoa!  Does anybody else see that!?" ...etc., etc.

Life to a forgetful goldfish is like a fireworks show all the time; everything is a new adventure, and even the most mundane thing, i.e. a coffee cup, is far beyond boring.

We all had a laugh and when I was home getting Brennan to bed, I began thinking about Todd again.  His forgetful nature reminded me of the character of God.  Not, of course, in that every three seconds God may look down from heaven above and say in his thundering Most High voice, "Well how did all that get there?"  But rather, it got me thinking of his gracious forgiving forgetfulness.  Isa. 43:25 says that He alone is the one who blots out our sin and never thinks about it again.  In Micah we get an awesome metaphor of God's compassion and forgiveness: You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!  Sometimes I think to myself, God can't really see me as a beautiful new creation, or think of me as his perfectly made daughter.  But Todd helped me realize that it is possible.

Every time I muddy my soul with selfishness, every time that I doubt, pout and covet -as soon as I remember my Father and sincerely apologize, wanting to do better -it goes to the depths of the sea, never to be thought of again.  Every three seconds God is getting a look at whole new me.  A clean new version of myself trying to be more like Jesus this time.  I may even be so bold as to say that He is just as enamored with me at that moment as Todd is with a coffee cup...*one-one-thousand,* *two-one-thousand,* *three-one-thousand*: "Wowee!  Look at this nifty thing!"

To Todd, life is exciting, new and beautiful -and to God, I can be a Fireworks show.

*one-one-thousand*...oooo!....ahhhh!...

pornsunday

you should check out www.pornsunday.com and www.xxxchurch.com.  don't worry, they are safe...they're all about awareness and getting people in the church to understand the reality of porn and it's effects...like these facts...

• Number of pornographic web sites: 4.2 Million
• People who regularly visit Internet porn web sites daily: 40 million
• Christians who said pornography is a major problem in the home: 47%
• Breakdown of male/female visitors to pornography sites: 65% male - 35% female
• 30% of unsolicited e-mails contain pornographic materials
• Women, far more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.
• Porn revenue is larger than the combined revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises.
• US porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC at $6.2 billion.

untitled

i really dont' know what i want to post about right now, only that i want to post.  it's been about two weeks i guess and it's been a pretty busy time.  the week before last started vbs, then youth assembly and then confirmation camp.  now i have a day to rest, be with cyndi and brennan and i think we will go look at used cars.  my car is a two door and with brennan and ministry, i would like a four door.  besides that my car has no radio, ac, or power anything, not even power steering. 

i feel my heart challenged about every day.  but i don't read my bible every day.  i don't get it.  i know that i am still in process, that i am still growing, that i am still becoming who i will be.  i want to be known by jesus.  it's weird in the gospels how sometimes jesus would say, "i never knew you", even though they were people that had "served" him. 

in 2 cor. 5 it talks about being a new creation...the old has gone, the new has come...i like to think that the new doesn't end.  all the new we will have doesn't come in those first moments we follow, but over the course of time.  the old is definately dead, but the new takes time.  for some it seems instant, and others slow motion, but still the new comes. 

i have an old car...about 15.  i should always have new in me.

sense of smell

why is God so good?  think about who we are.  think of what he has done.  it is clear that we, in no way, deserve the love of the infinite and all knowing God that has been forever and always will be. 

the world tells us to think so highly of ourselves, that we have rights and merit that is somehow worthy of acknowledgement.  some people live their entire lives to be acknowledged.  i have been that person.  but now i see the more i think of myself, not in terms of time or obsession, but in stature, the less i think of God, once again, not the amount of time, but worth.  have you ever heard the saying, "so-and-so thinks their ____ doesn't stink"?  i'm like that sometimes.  when i am that way, i am proving how little i think of God, how low i have put him and how far from the center i have pushed him.

when my nose has lost its sensitivity to be able to smell my own condition, it means that i have lost perspective.  how's your nose working lately?  why do i forget where i came from so easily?  it's like when you put on way too much cologne and after a while your nose is so completely desensitized that you can't tell how horrific you smell, and you walk into a room thinking you're the bomb, but everyone stays at least six feet from you at all times to protect their brain cells from dying.  this is the condition of heart i never want to be in, but somehow find on a somewhat annual basis.

vick's vapor breath-strips for the heart?  is that what we need?  is that what i need?  you see, remaining in a constant and consistent state of sensitivity and tenderness is admittedly an incredibly difficult feat to fulfill, but...when i think of how great that glory of God feels, it makes me want to admit how bad i smell, and plead with him to clean me up.

father in heaven, purify my heart and annoint my head with your sweet presence.  i ask for your forgiveness for when i think more of myself than i should.  you are so much higher than i, yet i put myself above you so often it hurts to think about it, but i think about it so that i will not try and hide any part of my failure from you.  thank you for your forgiveness and your grace.  may i be a sweet smelling aroma to you, and may i be molded to be more like your son Jesus Christ.  your son, your servant.

full circle

do you ever feel like God has brought you full circle?  well right now i am dealing with that.  when i first started out in ministry, my first full time position was as a youth pastor.  i have a bachelor's degree in youth ministry and adolescent studies and i felt called to be a youth pastor in my junior year in high school.  i love kids and definitely want to see them deepening in their walk, worshiping Him with all they have, and bringing their friends to Jesus.  the only problem is that when i started my first position, i didn't really know what i was getting myself into, i had really big dreams, and the church i started at just wasn't the right place for me to "start".  i was only their five months.  i will give a list of reasons and i will break them into "mine" and "theirs".

mine

• i was very idealistic, expecting things to just happen
• i thought that people would just follow me because i was the "youth pastor", i didn't realize i wasn't a strong leader yet
• i changed some things too fast without communicating well enough to get people on board
• i had unrealistic and previously uncommunicated expectations that my pastor would be my mentor
• i was a little hard headed and didn't receive criticism well, i would get defensive and feel attacked
• i was afraid of failure, when i said that failure is one of my values because of what you can learn from it

theirs

• when i did communicate my expectation to my pastor, that he have a deeper relationship with me, he told me i was on his "to-do" list and would get to me after Christmas
• my grandfather died two days before a big weekend youth trip.  when i told the staff about it, they sympathized, then encouraged me to prepare for the big weekend trip, when i wanted them to tell me to stay home.  i wasn't mature enough to tell them i was not going to go, and that i was going to take that time to be with my family
• as i was being hired, the entire worship band at the church got in a disagreement with the pastor, left the church, and i was not told.  i found out months later when i asked, "what happened to the worship band?"
• there was one leader specifically that was constantly undermining me
• there was a girl in an abusive relationship, and he intercepted a letter from the boy to her, and he shared it with the other leaders, and kept it from me.  the parents were a little confused, and when i told the leader if he did something like this again he would be removed, he said he was going to talk to the pastor and that i couldn't remove him
• this same leader cornered my fiancé, now wife, cyndi in the hall way while i was leading youth group and complained to her for a half an hour how if i didn't change i would be fired.  when i shared this with my pastor, the leader was not reprimanded

with all this having happened in the course of five months, i knew this was not the right place to start my ministry career or where i wanted to get married and start my family, so i resigned.  i believe the Lord allowed me to shift my focus to worship ministry and that is what i have done for the past three years.  but i don't think i ever really dealt with all the hurt from that first youth ministry position. 

while i was working at riverside umc in moline, i got to lead worship for the youth ministry, and i fell in love with those kids.  i felt myself wanting to be their youth pastor.  even now, i miss being with them every week. 

i say all this because God may be bringing me full circle.  i am talking to a pastor from mediapolis, iowa, about a youth pastor position their.  it is a community wide position, as it is a small town, and some of the churches share resources.  the pastor's name is john gaulke.  he has been highly recommended to me, by pastors that i trust, as a great pastor to work for and to grow under.  i know in the right environment i will thrive as a youth pastor again.  the reason that i am writing isn't so much to ask whether i should or not, but more to ask for advice for going back into youth ministry, and for your prayers.  i know that the nervousness i am feeling has to do with fear.  i had a real crappy experience last time, and i know that i am now having to deal with the hurt that i didn't deal with before, and i am experiencing some anxiety because of it.

so if you could pray for me as cyndi as we look forward to new ministry, and as we step out in faith.  all you youth pastor friends of mine are more than welcome to comment away, and if you're not a youth pastor and you have something to say, you are welcome as well.

postmodern ancestry

Jos 22:22-27a "The LORD alone is God! The LORD alone is God! We have not built the altar in rebellion against the LORD. If we have done so, do not spare our lives this day. But the LORD knows, and let all Israel know, too, that we have not built an altar for ourselves to turn away from the LORD. Nor will we use it for our burnt offerings or grain offerings or peace offerings. If we have built it for this purpose, may the LORD himself punish us. "We have built this altar because we fear that in the future your descendants will say to ours, 'What right do you have to worship the LORD, the God of Israel? The LORD has placed the Jordan River as a barrier between our people and your people. You have no claim to the LORD.' And your descendants may make our descendants stop worshiping the LORD. So we decided to build the altar, not for burnt sacrifices, but as a memorial. It will remind our descendants and your descendants that we, too, have the right to worship the LORD.

i came across this scripture and it reminded me of the relationship between the existing church and the emerging church. there seems to be a great deal of fear from the church about what will emerge, and in some places there are church leaders doing everything they can to keep new communities from emerging. there are some places where people are encouraged to experiment, but it seems that for the most part, there is little belief in even those wishing to pioneer, that anything will be able to emerge from what already exists. among some of the emergent leadership there is the thought that the emerging will probably be most successful if not initially connected to an existing church. i remember tony jones saying that he didn't know of any emerging church that had emerged from an existing church, and those that had tried, were cut off in one way or another. i told him that if apes can propagate in captivity, maybe there is the possibility that something could truly emerge from the existing church. over the past two years, i think i may have been swayed to his side of the aisle.

when there are emerging churches and communities already being written off by the modern church, will we have to worry about being invited in later? the three tribes that had to go to the other side of the river worried they would be cut off by later generations. do we have to worry about this? if we travel across the river away from the whole and start something new, do we need to build a memorial altar so that later down the road we can prove we aren't illegitimate? or will it be like the reformation and will we be the protestants that separate and choose to never look back and not worry about whether we are still "one body"? will we be like most protestants and evangelicals that look at the catholics and question their salvation?

the people in the scripture explaim "the Lord alone is God!", the Lord our God is one God. and i believe that the church is one body...the division that already exists is sometimes almost too much for me to bear. but i know that sometimes tribes must go across the river. i know we must go across the river. so lets build an altar, a memorial, a symbol to stand for all time so that the divide between the emerging and the existing never becomes like the divide between the existing and the catholic. and may all know that we don't build this memorial as an altar or a shrine that we would worship the change we pioneer, but as a symbol that we too worship the same Jesus, the same God that has created us all, that was born to Mary, suffered unter Pontius Pilate, was crucified, dead and buried, rose on the third day and sitteth at the right hand of the Father almighty.

gregg

vulnerable

i am a lover of all things brennan manning.  he is the  author of the ragamuffin gospel.  its one of those books that will change your life, and i find myself continually going back to it.

right now, i go back to it because cyndi and i have some major life changes coming our way, and among them is that we might be moving.  we are currently in the process of interviewing with a church in southern wisconsin, and of course this is stirring all kinds of emotions in us.

there is something very vulnerable about interviewing with a new church.  question after question comes your way, some loaded and some simple, but regardless, the questions come.  obviously you get to ask some questions too, but you never really feel like you are in control.  you know that most of the control is in their hands.  at any moment they could say, "sorry, we have decided to go in a different direction, thanks for your time", and then you get to bare your soul to another church.  all this soul baring is exhausting, and it can cause some anxiety.  this is why i went back to brennan for some advice.  on page 112 of the ragamuffin gospel he writes,

"in prayer Jesus slows us down, teaches us to count how few days we have, and gifts us with widsom.  he reveals to us that we are so caught up in what is urgent that we have overlooked what is essential.  he ends our indecision and liberates us from the oppression of false deadlines and myopic vision.  second, our response to the love of Jesus demands trust.  do we rely on our resume, or the gospel of grace?  how do we cope with failure?  'grace tells us that we are accepted just as we are.  we may not be the kind of people we want to be, we may be a long way from our goals, we may have more failures than achievements, we may not be wealthy or powerful or spiritual, we may not even be happy, but we are nonetheless accepted by God, held in his hands.  such is his promise to us in Jesus Christ, a promise we can trust.'...'for it is not as if we had a high priest who was incapable of feeling our weaknesses with us; but we have one who has been tempted in every way that we are, though he was without sin.  let us be confident, then, in approaching the throne of grace, that we shall have mercy from him and find grace when we are in need of help' (hebrews 4:15-16)."

the truth is that my resume doesn't define who i am, it is Jesus who makes me who i am, and he knows exactly where i am, i am not out of his sight.  so when i feel the worry of what will be, i have to remind myself of what is essential.  Jesus.  so as we go through this stage of opening ourselves and being vulnerable to the possible acceptance or rejection of church elder boards and search committees and staff teams that are ever so carefully examining us, i pray we hold onto the promise and truth of Jesus in whom we can trust.