i have come home from the 'desperation' conference with new resolve. jesus is so much more holy than i am and i don't seek him enough. i wasn't reading my bible everyday, wasn't praying, and fasting...come on...i wasn't doing that.
this wasn't a mountain top experience. this was a, wow, God is so much more holy than me. Jesus is so worthy and i've been giving him crap. this was a, how could he every possibly call me his own when i am who i am? the answer is simply that he loves me, but he calls me to love him. his word says that if we love him we do what he has commands... this was a, i keep saying this...it's time for me to do it experience.
for a while now i have been allowing the mystery of God to be a stumbling block for me. this is because i have been upset that i don't understand why things didn't work out at Heritage. i say, 'but we gave everything' and he says...'i know', and i say, 'so why' and he says, 'don't worry about it'. i've been having this conversation with him for months and months now, to the point of tears, to depression, to the point of fists flying through the air. then...
today i was reading oswald, for august 3rd, and he had this to say...
We are not taken into a conscious agreement with God’s purpose— we are taken into God’s purpose with no awareness of it at all. We have no idea what God’s goal may be; as we continue, His purpose becomes even more and more vague. God’s aim appears to have missed the mark, because we are too nearsighted to see the target at which He is aiming. At the beginning of the Christian life, we have our own ideas as to what God’s purpose is. We say, "God means for me to go over there," and, "God has called me to do this special work." We do what we think is right, and yet the compelling purpose of God remains upon us. The work we do is of no account when compared with the compelling purpose of God. It is simply the scaffolding surrounding His work and His plan.
man! i feel like job, when God said...'why do you think you know me so well? were you there when i created the great mysteries of the universe?' (my paraphrase).
"because by one sacrifice He has made PERFECT FOREVER those who are being made holy." - Hebrews 10:14
Posted by: Brett | August 04, 2005 at 02:55 PM