as i have been praying an thinking on youth ministry, it has become more and more apparent that i buried my feelings about what happened during my first youth ministry position. i am asking for your prayers as i do my best to let these memories be healed, so that i can move on in the best way possible, healed and whole.
i think i am going to email the pastor of the church i worked at to share with him how i feel and felt in order to gain some closure.
Hey Greg, join the hoard that have been burned, abused, taken for granted, undervalued, overlooked, not nurtured, left with a heart that is broken, scarred, hurting, untrusting, afraid to do it all over again, chisled down into something, and oftentimes, someone God never called us to be, and yet, passionate about Christ and what He is doing through His body, the church (in a sense you could call us addicts- we are hooked, can't "give up the juice," are in it through the ups and downs, and are a group that most don't understand, and many look down upon). I remember taking 2 full weeks to mourn what happened in my last church prior to coming to First U.P. And let's be honest, it took/takes me years to deal with it. Greg, yeah, sometimes shit happens. But I consider it all rubbish compared to being in my Father's will. I applaud you for sticking with church ministry after the experience you went through (being honest; some of it was your fault, some of it was the church's). You are called. You are called. You are called. Remain faithful. Remain obedient. Open up those places you've painted over (that look good from those walking by) in your life. Deal with those things you've covered up- some of those things you have to confront in yourself, others you need to confess, and still others you need to come to terms with and just let go (and not let that form your identity as a disciple of Christ that is called to be a youth pastor).
Keep your chin up, you know your calling.
Isaac T
PS- this is not "another bandaid." But maybe look into reading "My First Two Years in Ministry" by Doug Fields. I have not personally read it but have heard some great things by those that have. It may help you "get back on the horse," be encouraged, as well as to help you think through what things you want to focus on in your ministry. Just a thought... I could be wrong.
Posted by: Isaac T | March 06, 2005 at 03:07 PM
i.t., you know two things i love about you? you're not afraid to leave a comment longer than the original post...keep it up, it's great, and you're at a place in your walk that you can say shit and father's will in back to back sentences...
stay who you are because i am absolutely positive that God loves you that way
Posted by: gregg | March 08, 2005 at 02:53 PM