it's a boy, it's a boy, it's a boy.........................
can you believe it. i started crying the instant the tech said it was a boy. i have always wanted a boy...i have begged and pleaded with God in the past that at least my first baby be a boy, and while almost all my relatives except for my dad, thought it was a girl, i held on to the hope of a boy.
there is a bit of a back story to my excitement though. not 45 minutes before i found out our baby had a penis, i was talking to my mentor, doug, and i was sharing with him how abandoned and lost i have been feeling. about how over the past year i feel like i have done everything that God has asked of us and that He hasn't been keeping up His end of the bargain! i have had to deal with some anger toward God because we have given up a lot and a lot has fallen through anyway. doug reassured me that i haven't been lost, and that i am still in the sight of God. i know that He still loves me, but it just doesn't seem like much has worked out and with the joy/stress of a baby coming and not having a full time job, the feelings of confusion and frustration with God's seemingly hidden plan has increased.
to the punch line...as i sat there in the ultrasound room with cyndi and the tech told us it was a boy, i immediately felt the presence of the holy spirit fill the room. i felt his sweet whisper telling me He knew where i was, that i was not lost, that He knew what i really wanted. He knew i have always wanted a boy and at that moment as the spirit of the living God surrounded me in that place, i knew that He had only the best in store for me. He is my sweet Abba and there is no other that fulfills me like Him! I am my beloved's and He is mine and i will never be out of his sight even if i sink into the depths or rise above the clouds.
so we are having a boy! and i am very excited.
gregg
p.s. as i was driving home the other evening, i saw the moon and the bottom half was covered by an illuminated cloud. it looked as though the eye of God was peeking out from the darkness to see me on my way.
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