a couple of weeks ago i posted about the process of candidating with churches and how vulnerable you have to be and how there is sometimes this fear that the church will pull the plug at any moment (you can read that post here). the plug just got pulled. literally 20 minutes ago i got the call that the process would not be going any further. i am actually pretty devastated, so i don't know how wise it is to post about this while i am still in shock.
i feel like i just got the worst news ever. my body is tired now, whereas a half an hour ago i felt great. cyndi and i had really started dreaming about going to this new church. they have an incredible staff that spends tons of time living life with each other. they have a fresh vision, that i thought i was completely on board with. they were a place that i could see cyndi and i staying for a very long time. and now, even after being told "no", i just want to call them and beg for them to reconsider. i know i didn't do anything wrong. i was vulnerable. i was honest. i was real. i'm just not what they are looking for. that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them or with me...but it still hurts. i am still broken.
if you could please pray for us...everything is different with a bun in the oven. please pray for us.
gregg
bro - i'm sorry to hear this....any idea what's next?
Posted by: Adam | December 26, 2004 at 08:16 PM
I love you guys. I have comfort in the news of your heart-break in the truth that you both love Jesus and serve Him no matter the cost. I have comfort knowing that you are not your own, but belong, in body and soul, in life and in death, to your faithful Savior Jesus Christ (from Heidelberg Catechism Q/A 1). I have comfort that God loves you and works all things for your good, knowing that you know and love Him.
I'm not about to arrogantly say I know how you feel, for I don't. I fear each day losing my job and not being able to provide for my wife. I wonder what it's like having that compounded with a child on the way.
Greg (and Cyn), here's what I do know for sure (which as you both know isn't too much): I was interviewing with an enormous church with a fantastic youth ministry. They were looking for a junior high youth pastor to focus on relational and discipleship ministry. HELLO?! Those are my two passions in ministry. I interviewed in person twice, had multiple phone conversations, and one of my best friends was on staff with the church. I would have been on a team of 3 other junior high youth pastors! I thought everything was just a formality by the end. And all the sudden, I got a letter (not even a phone call) that the church felt called in a different direction and that I was no longer one of their top canditates. I was really bummed out (I had even been on the NET looking for apartments down around the church). While looking on the NET I found out at First United Pres in Moline. In jest I said to Kathee, "Hey, wanna move to Moline? There is a Presbyterian Church down there looking for a conservative youth pastor." We had to look up Moline on the map and see where it was. I sent my resume and started through the process, never actively wanting to live in Illinois but wanting God's glory over my desire. We stepped out in total faith (what if this church sold us a bill of goods like my last one? and if this church did, we had just left everything and everyone we knew to do it? what then?) Greg, all I know is what you and I know, we are both madly in love with our Savior Jesus Christ, He has a plan (that often times deals with our being sharpened and refined... i find often times through fear and uncertainty in myself) that is much bigger than any we could have ever imagined. Greg, these past 3 and a half years have been some of the best of my life. Kathee and I are hoping to have many more here in Moline. Scared out of your gourd? Put it in His hands. He knows you love your wife and more than anything want/need to provide for her (He was the one that set that whole thing up in the first place). He knows you have a baby on the way (He was the One to give you and Cyn the child in the first place). Greg, put it in His hands. I know I talk to the kids in the youth ministry all the time about "having faith." It's ofen easier to preach about than it is to have it oneself. Greg, have faith in Him, regardless. He is your peace. He is your helping. He is your All in All. Love you two and am praying for you. Jehovah-Shalom,
isaac t
PS- about three months after I started my ministry here in Moline I got a call from that good friend in the church I was interviewing with. Seems that the church decided to "totally change directions" again and the director of student ministries fired the entire youth ministry staff- like 6 or 7 people in all. I would have just been getting started when the cord was pulled on my ministry there (and would have lost the opportunity to be here in Moline). Funny how God works, doesn't it. He can see ahead to things we can't. I praise Him each day for making me feel like a failure for about a week after I received the news, because had my will won out I would have missed so much (like coming to Moline, etc, etc, etc)
Posted by: Isaac T | December 26, 2004 at 09:52 PM
Nice blog bro. Sorry this comment is a few weeks after the posting, but a few months ago I too felt a similar shattering when I didn't get a job (though it wasn't the first time). This time however I was actually offered the job, but when I called to accept it they unoffered it to me, if such a thing is possible. I too wanted to call back for the next several days (I actually did once) to plead for it, but alas, that ship had sailed.
Posted by: Nathan Stock | January 07, 2005 at 04:05 PM
it really is becoming clear that they knew what they were doing. i would have had a great time there, i would have grown there, etc. but there are some things that are very important to me that really aren't important to them. i love the emerging church and want to see people reached in a new way...millions and millions of people reached in a new way...though through the emergent style it will probably take much longer because there is such an attention given to personal relationship and being holistic in the approach to discipleship.
anyway...isaiac, you are one of my best friends and i compeletly hang on most of the words you say. i know that you love God deeply, you read the bible at least twice as much as i wish i did, and you are sold out for Him. thanks for the words...and the friendship
nathan...thanks for posting man...how is the volkswagon doing...i miss out twin peaks sessions. what are we going to do? we don't get a job that we really wanted...i guess we can only hope it works out for us like it did for isaiac, and if the bible is right, it will all work out for good, if we love HIM.
rock on
Posted by: gregg | January 08, 2005 at 01:30 PM